Are you getting divorced? Was it our fault? Goodnight, everyone. Well, I just don’t use that word lightly. I have to go, Eli. Uh-huh? Fine, thank you. Who is it? (pause) I doubt that. I tied it to the radiator. (pause) What do you mean? (frowns) Why are they allowed to do that? (urgently) So am I. Because I’m in a rut, and I need a change. Hang on. I do, kind of. I can’t explain it right now. (gently) I’ll call you, OK? Hello? What for? I don’t think so, Eli. That’s OK. We’re not actually related, anyway. Stand up straight and let me get a look at you. What’s so funny? Well, it’s nice to see you, too. I hear you’re dying. I’m sorry. What do you propose to do? I haven’t been there at all. I was never invited. Thanks. I’m listening. (points to a deli) Right there is where you used to go get jacked off. (pause) I don’t know. I can’t tell. (frowns) What are you talking about? What are we doing, Eli? That’s amazing. (excited) I think he’s gorgeous. (dreamily) I’m going to have a father. Not really. Plus, now he’s dying. It got chopped off by an axe. It’s OK. I’ll tell you. I’m adopted. Did you know that? Well, I am. And I went to find my real family when I was fourteen. They live in Indiana. (shakes her head) Couldn’t find it. (pause) I don’t know. OK. Thanks. By the way, I heard about that letter you sent to Eli. Those aren’t mine. Don’t talk to him like that. Did Eli send you that? (incredulous) What for? (frowns) That’s ridiculous. I don’t know. (pause) Maybe not. But -- No. But -- Raleigh, please. For God’s sake. (pause) I couldn’t begin to even think about knowing how to answer that question. What are you talking about? You don’t even know him. Stay out of it. No, I didn’t. What’d you do to your hand? No. Those belong to Chas. Or, anyway, he invented them. (worried) I’ll be right back. (pause) Neither are you. I didn’t know you ever were. (pause) OK. OK, I’m not in love with you, either. Do you send my mother your clippings? And your grades in -- Your reviews aren’t that good. Where is he, Dudley? How do you feel? You did? I know. I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter. What? You don’t smoke. (pause) Twenty-two years. Who’s there? Hello? (hesitates) Just listening to some records. I thought you were supposed to be in the hospital. Well, shouldn’t you be on some kind of suicide watch or something? How many stitches did you get? Jesus, Richie. That looks horrible. (pause) Desmond? Yeah. I met him in the ocean. I was swimming, and he came out to me in a canoe. We were only married for nine days. (sighs) I know. Poor Eli. Anyway, we mostly just talked about you. Yeah. I guess that was the attraction, if you know what I mean. What’s that? (sadly) I love you, too. Let’s lie down for a minute. This is the one we took to the museum, isn’t it? Why’d you do it? Because of me? You’re not going to do it again, are you? I think we’re just going to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that, Richie. I told you. Nothing. I only have five minutes. I’ll have a butterscotch sundae, I guess. (hesitates) Well, so am I, but I’m not going to discuss it with you. Do they? You probably don’t even know my middle name. Helen. (sadly) I know it was. My nicotine inhaler. It’s supposed to help me quit. Not really. Eli just crashed his car into the front of the house. I wonder what happened to him. Well, I’m sure he’ll get over it. This was one of my first hiding places. I’d say about ten years.